Stop living in your Head!!

Has it ever occurred to you that more than half of the thoughts that you are processing in your mind are fiction, just pure plain fiction? Sounds strange, but it’s true. Our mind is capable of creating stories and melodramas which have never occurred in real life. There are numerous hours in a day, wherein, if you don’t train your mind to get occupied in things that actually matter in life, it will start creating a web of thoughts which have no meaning, and may never actually be true in real life.

I call this thing, “The little birdy”. The little birdy is constantly on a move in our head, waiting for the moment when we can fuel it up, giving it the fruit of life, after which, it becomes unstoppable, until it is strongly forced to disconnect.

In our day to day lives, there are numerous things, people, incidents which have a deep impact on our minds. If we get disturbed by someone’s words or actions, and later when we think about what had happened, the little birdy comes into action. We think about what else that person might be thinking or saying about us, and there are different clips that start playing in our head, and yes, I am talking about visual clips. We start enacting in our heads, mostly as victims, and we try to visualize the other person as someone who he/she may not be in real life. This makes us susceptible to always look down upon the other person.

Negative thoughts don’t need much to multiply in our mind. A little fuel goes a long way. I have seen an important quality in successful people. They don’t fuel negative thoughts, or if I may say so, they don’t fuel negative people as well. Because at the end of the day, both are a waste of time. Negative thoughts is what we create in our mind by feeding the birdy, and negative people can be made to spread their thoughts by telling them that they are wrong. Try to talk to a pessimistic person, and you will understand what I am saying. They can drown you into the sea of hopeless talks, and sometimes, it is difficult to even prove them wrong because they are self obsessed with their own ideas and understanding. You might actually end up looking like a fool in front of them. So, keep safe distance from such people, and don’t fiddle with their minds.

The best way to avoid having the useless thoughts is to keep ourselves busy. The tasks at hand keep us occupied, and the free time can be utilized in pursuing our hobbies. There are millions of things to do if one wants to, like, read a book, go to the park, go for a run, write an article, climb that damn mountain. But definitely, there are times when all we want to do is introspect. So the negative and useless thoughts are bound to come, we just need to let them pass, and think about better things.

The important thing to understand and be successful in life is to take life as it comes. Whatever happened has happened, lets learn from each negative incident, and be happy about the positives in our life. Let’s not give fuel to useless thoughts, let’s not feed the little birdy in our head. The world will be a better place then. If not for everyone, but for you, definitely!! Till then.

Adios Amigos

Neighbor’s envy, owner’s pride

“Neighbor’s envy, owner’s pride”!! Did it ring any bell? Yes, this was the tagline used for Onida TV advertisement in 1980s in India. This was quite a catchy slogan at that time, and surely, it worked for Onida. Well, I am not going to talk about the Onida televisions here, but, the phrase has a special meaning associated with it. I will talk in more detail about how we can use this phrase to think positively in life and work towards a better future.

The meaning of the slogan in the advertisement was straight-forward. The one who has the Onida TV, is proud of owning it. And the neighbor, who doesn’t own one, is envious of the other who owns it. Envy!! This four-letter word is small, but very,very powerful. It’s a very strong emotion, which can work in both positive and negative ways. Being envious of someone owning something can make you work hard in life to achieve it, or, it can turn you into a maniac or even a criminal if the mind works blindly on achieving something, without thinking of the consequences.

But the point is, is that emotion necessary? Well, we can’t control what we think about, so necessity is definitely not in picture here. But, we can definitely control the outcome of what we do if such an emotion arises in our life. Working hard to achieve something is good, but not to an extent which makes you forget that you have a life which you were living. It is good to have goals, dreams, desires, but it is not good to run behind something just for the sake of it or just because it is owned by someone else.

We should understand that there are always two sides to a coin. Sometimes we meet people who seem to have the perfect life. But, in reality, we are not aware of the hardships that they faced, or the problems they are currently facing in life. All that glitters is not gold. There are people who have achieved a lot in life, but when you start listening to their life stories, you understand that you may never want to follow their journey, or work towards doing something similar. They might look to have the best of everything, but they have lost a lot along the way.

We should try to avoid being the envious neighbor, but rather strive to be the owner of our own life. Let’s make our own goals, and work on them. Life will be much simpler. Till then.

Adios Amigos

Image credit: Pexels.com

How important is teaching self-worth to the kids?

“You are not good”!!, I said in a loud tone. “I am good”, she replies back, in an equally loud tone. “No, you are not good at all!!”, I screamed louder. “I am good”, she had the same tone. Well, this is a snippet of the conversation I had with my daughter. Yes, you heard it right. And no, I am not a bad mom. But, I am a mother who wants her child to always think positive about herself. So, I was playing a little lie game with my daughter. Before I could explain to her what she should reply in case someone says bad about her, she was already there with her answer. Honestly, I was impressed. I had to just tell her about the game I was playing with her and that she needs to be firm with the answer for anyone who ever says that to her. And yes, sometimes she doesn’t even need to reply back, she just needs to remember it.

Many of you might be thinking, why am I teaching this to my daughter at such an early age, she’s too young to understand these things (she’s four by the way). Yes, maybe she’s too young, but I feel that this is the age when they are at their smartest best. They can grasp things easily. Their brain is working at it’s peak. We want to teach them quite a lot at this age, specifically the basic educational skills, like numbers, alphabets, English, other languages, science etc. But, I feel that no matter how much intelligence or degrees we have, at the end of the day, what matters is the ability to see ourselves in a positive light. Feeling confident about who you are makes way for your own growth and success in life.

Consider a person who has been a topper in school and college life, but once he/she has to face the real world, be it job, be it relationships, if that person is vulnerable to negative comments by others, all his/her education does not do him/her any good. Whereas, a person who might be mediocre in studies, but has good faith in himself/herself, will definitely excel in whichever field he/she works in, and also that helps in maintaining good relationships in life.

Low self esteem is a disease. It works like cancer to kill the self confidence of a person to such a level from where it is very difficult to make a comeback. This can even lead to depression in many cases. Sounds freaking scary, right? Well, the good news is that we can inculcate this virtue in our kids at a young age. Their blank minds can be taught the value of self-love and self-worth. The future is unknown, but we, as parents, can sow this seed in their tiny brains.

Life is a journey where everyone meets people who tell them that they’re not good. Not beautiful, not good in academics, not good friends, parents, spouse or children, not doing a good job in office, well, the list is endless. The people who are vulnerable will easily accept what is negatively said about them. The mere words that others say multiply in their mind and they lose themselves all along, even though they are good enough. And then, there are others who hear those negative words, but always remember that they are worth it. The words that others say will not matter to them, no matter how many times those words are said. To be really successful in life, possessing such a virtue is a bliss. So, let’s teach our sons and daughters to always feel that “They’re worth it”. Till then.

Adios Amigos

Cleared the air – A teeny tiny tale

She was happy. Her family members loved her. Though she never went to school, she had an amazing talent. She was an awesome chef and love and happiness reflected in her dishes, the only thing she knew how to do.

Until one day, when she fell ill. Her body temperature rose high, like a kite flying in the sky. They did not get the food for days. They were angry, they became hot like a burning pot. She got sad, thought everyone loved her. But to her dismay, everyone had loved what she provided them with.

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Here she was, lying useless in the bed, she tried to join her thoughts like a puzzle, the pieces from the past lying here and there.

But, in the end, she smiled once again, as it cleared the air.

Happy Women’s Day??

Do we really need it? I don’t see a men’s day being celebrated anywhere, then why the need for this women’s day? Does it make us more liberated? Does it give us any additional right? Does it give us the respect, the happiness, starting from our families, to our workplace to our friends?

Well, I don’t think so. I think, if we women really want to feel special, we can do so at any moment, rather than a full day being dedicated to it and making us a kind of minority. I believe it’s in the mind. That’s the main thing men are different from us women. They don’t let the things get into their head. They are practical people. And, pardon my saying, but, we women are emotional fools.

We can make a fool of ourselves by knocking our brains hard every time there’s a tiniest of argument that happens. We have made ourselves victims by doing these things. Even if life is peaceful, we add a little drama to a small out of control situation by following the 80-20 rule. Well, this rule, in a nutshell, means that out of the arguments that follow in a fight, only 20% of the arguments will be relevant to the current situation under discussion. The rest of 80% will be the dead remains of some killed arguments which had happened like decades ago.

Don’t get me wrong, being a woman myself, I am criticizing women. Let me tell you, the females reading this blog post, you are going to gain a lot of confidence out of this. I will not be all mushy mushy about women, how much we work, how much appreciation we should get, how many responsibilities we handle etc etc., but I’ll be straightforward about where we are wrong, and where we need to change to get at least fifty percent of the peace that our own mind has struggled to kill.

Somewhere we need to accept the fact that there can’t be a 50-50 rule to when it comes to taking care of the home, the children, taking care of the investments, and so on. So, its best to just face it. In many situations, women are the ones who will feel guilty, if the husbands leave for office without a lunchbox, if there is so much of mess in the house, and mainly, when it comes to feeding the kids like an army of soldiers got together. Trust me, men can’t go this overboard.

The best thing that we can expect is, not a complete role reversal, but respect and empathy about the tasks that we do all day. Regarding the appreciation part, yes, we are spoiled by our parents, but that doesn’t mean everyone on this earth will do the same. The ones who want to will always appreciate you. The others will ignore the appreciation part, and definitely will tell you about where you went wrong. So be it. Accept that fact and stop expecting anyone and everyone to be as appreciative as your parents. But ya, one thing is in your hands to feel good about yourself. Appreciating yourself, here the ball is in your own court. We are good at criticizing ourselves, but be this change. Appreciate yourself once in a while. Let the criticism be in the hands of those who are best at doing it. Learn to love yourself, learn to gift yourself, learn to say good things to yourself. Things have changed a lot from our grandmother’s times, now, its time for us to mould ourselves a little. Help is needed but I don’t think it will ever be 50-50.

Let’s change our perspectives a little. Let’s rethink about what we want. This women’s day, let’s pledge to stop being the victims of our own negative thoughts. Let’s embrace the situation with utmost positivity, and see life doing wonders.

Let’s be the change. Till then.

Adios Amigos

The better in – Better Half

I love this term curated for the spouses, “Better Half”. So, why exactly do you think the husbands/wives deserve this title? Well, here are my five cents on the same.

They know life is a journey that they need to travel together, so no matter what, they try their best to finish it together. At the end of the day, every couple has clashes, but knowing that resolving the clash is more important than their egos is what makes them better.

Compromises, compromises, compromises!! They know that this is one term that they should familiarize themselves with completely. The optimal situation is not one person compromising all the time, but rather, having a healthy talk about tackling the situation and then coming to a compromising conclusion, which can be in favor of any of them.

They work together as a team to build their home. There are hundreds of things that a man and woman need to take care of, in order to maintain a healthy and happy home. Finances, cooking, cleaning, job, kids etc, the list goes on. The important thing to consider here is not belittling anyone for the task he/she is doing. Accepting the fact that whatever both are doing, it’s for the betterment of their own home and family.

The better in the term “better half” is for the betterment of the other person. You are the better half if you are helping the other person emotionally, inspiring them to grow in life, helping them directly or indirectly achieve their dreams. After all, once you get married, your dreams are just not “your” dreams, they become “ours”.

Last, but not the least. Respect. The most important thing in a person to be called a better half is to respect the other. Respecting the person is important, but also, it is important to respect their time, work, choices and their priorities in life.

What are your thoughts on this term? Let me know in the comments below. Till then.

Adios amigos

Let go – The kid says

It is said that we can learn a lot of things about life from babies. If you observe a baby playing, you’ll notice that they are in a different world altogether. They get so engrossed in their toys or in the things they are doing, that they won’t get to know even if you sometimes poke them hard. They won’t budge till they finish their baby task at hand.

Again, if they get hurt while playing, they will cry for sometime, but as the pain starts subsiding, within minutes, you’ll see them get back to their own beautiful world. And, if they fight with their sibling or friend, they’ll be back playing with them within minutes. They don’t hold the pain or the anger for too long. That’s how they are, that’s how they function.

The important thing to learn from them here is, to let go. Let go of the hurt, the guilt, the anger, the drama, the grudges, let go of anything that destroys your peace of mind.

The kids are able to learn new things (apart from the fact that child’s learning ability is fastest between birth to five years of age) is because they are able to let go, and keep their sanity. This is what we lose as we grow up. While being a part of the rat race, we forget that we have to live, we have to be happy, but most of all, we have to maintain our sanity.

The little ones focus on the task at hand. And just work hard to finish off what they had started. With time, we lose that focus in life. Unknowingly, we start chasing rainbows and forget ourselves on the way. So, it is good to have a focus in life, a goal, a dream, something to look forward to, something to finish. This something, if defined, can take us away from the pain and sorrow, and give our life a definition.

So, stop the quest for unknown and be a kid once again. Till then.

Adios amigos

And she was born – Again!!

Red, the color, oh so beautiful. The color of love, but sometimes the color of danger too. And here she was, immersed in the same color, her beautiful red dress matching with the color spilled on the dress. Yes, it was the color of blood. Her car had just met with an accident.

She could not move her body, but her mind was fluctuating. Her gaze was fixed, but her whole life flashed through her mind. She wanted another chance, another chance from God, to fix certain things. She took a trip down the memory lane, recalling so many moments, some happy, some sad. Her mind went to deep sleep, for time undefined..

Few days later, she recovered from coma. She opened her eyes, her family in front. She smiled, thanked God. Her life changed forever, for good. Little things never mattered to her anymore. She knew what she wanted to do. Her life got a meaning.

She was born again..

Sometimes we learn to live again after dying a little!!

The ugly duckling – A short story

She was beautiful. At least that’s what her parents always told her. She did not have sharp features or great skin or lovely tresses that most of the girls she knew had. But she had an amazing smile, the one that made her look the prettiest despite all the flaws. But she hardly ever wore her smile with confidence.

She hated to even look at beauty magazines, since they were always filled with dozens of photographs of girls who were divinely gorgeous. The inferiority complex in her started growing with age. Time passed. She was a successful working woman. But, the complex still instilled in her. And it got stronger day by day.

With time, she became one of the most influential persons in her field. She became the face of many leading magazines. To her amazement, one of them was a beauty magazine, which published a gorgeous photo of her with her killer smile and listed her as one of the greatest women achievers of all times. Her definition of beauty changed forever. She became the beautiful swan from the ugly duckling she thought she was. But most importantly, she understood, that “Every woman is beautiful, in her own way”!!

R-E-A-C-T-I-O-N

Reaction, it’s just an eight letter word, but has the power to destroy big relationships, be it between people or be it between the strongest of nations.

It has become so common to see communication between people these days, where both the parties do not listen to understand, but rather, listen to react. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone wants to be heard.

Well, it’s good also, in the sense that everybody should be able to voice their opinion, but bad as well, because we fail to understand the fact that their is a perspective to every opinion. Both the parties could be correct based on their own perspective to a particular situation.

It is said that people from the older generations had better patience levels. But I think it was more about respecting each other’s viewpoints rather than the patience levels.

It has become very important for us to understand that for a successful and healthy relationship, it’s not that one person has to kill his/her viewpoint. But rather, it takes both the persons to listen to each other, to understand each other’s perspectives, and then decide to tackle the situation. And this holds true for any case, between friends, between husband and wife, family members, and even between parent and child (I believe even toddlers can have a strong and valid perspective in many cases).

If we react without thinking, then the same situation takes an ugly form, wherein a vicious circle of complaints starts from both the ends, which only leads to frustration and depression.

So, the next time any of you get to a point where you have a lot to say, well, instead of first trying to give your viewpoint, ask the other person about their perspective, then think and then reply. You will thank yourself for doing that!!

Adios amigos